2008年1月20日星期日
Can't help it but got to be a little discouraging to myself again. Perhaps this indirectly might act as some motivation to me too. But I am gonna put myself down again... I'd use to feel really upset about things I cant accomplish but nowadays it doesn't affect me as much I guess. Almost numbed. It's the matter of time. I got to face it sooner or later to the fact that I can't do it. haha.
No point being overly depressed about it, isn't it?
However, my view today will be a little different than usual.
Right now, I am sitting just at a bunch right beside Tingyu, Hamin, SangWoon, JinSan and Kendou who are now playing basketball. As usual, I don't play. But soon got bored just sitting around and watch.
As I sat there longer, I started to reflect. So, that's why I am writing down this little discovery I made about myself just a moment ago.
"Ivan, why are you not playing?"
"Ivan, why are you not good at it?" ... Then thinking a little deeper... I asked again...
"So Ivan, what do you think you're good at?" .... 10mins passed...
Things I listed are SPORTS... NAH~ ONLINE GAMES... NAH~ FASHION... NAH~ even something like studies... NAH~ Then I asked myself again....
"Why am I still living?" haha.. I smiled.
"What've you learnt for these past 20 years in your life?" haha. Felt a little ashamed but still forced a smiled.
I think, the bottom line is that I am not good at even 1 thing. Nothing I can speak of proudlt to say, "that's my forte!! You can't win me in that!!" I paused and gazed around again and there I see kendou sitting next to me, staring at me and asked...
"why do you looked so stressed?"
After all, I still do care what did I accomplished in life, isn't it? ^^ If not, why did I face says so.?
Well... What else can I still say? People would say I lack confidence. You know, sometimes it's not that I want to belittle myself or underestimate what my potentials are but really there's nothing that is really commendable. Used to feel sad, like I said. But it gets tiring. Now, I don't care about it anyway, I guess I just got to accept what God wants me to be. Then again, am I giving my best , is another debatable issue. haha. How complicated!!
Coming to think of it... I think I am still a little mean to post something like this about myself on a blog. Am I not right? haha. Maybe I should give a little more thought to it. Then, I'll update again to tell you what I am good at. Till then, say whatever you want or forever hold your peace. ^^
No point being overly depressed about it, isn't it?
However, my view today will be a little different than usual.
Right now, I am sitting just at a bunch right beside Tingyu, Hamin, SangWoon, JinSan and Kendou who are now playing basketball. As usual, I don't play. But soon got bored just sitting around and watch.
As I sat there longer, I started to reflect. So, that's why I am writing down this little discovery I made about myself just a moment ago.
"Ivan, why are you not playing?"
"Ivan, why are you not good at it?" ... Then thinking a little deeper... I asked again...
"So Ivan, what do you think you're good at?" .... 10mins passed...
Things I listed are SPORTS... NAH~ ONLINE GAMES... NAH~ FASHION... NAH~ even something like studies... NAH~ Then I asked myself again....
"Why am I still living?" haha.. I smiled.
"What've you learnt for these past 20 years in your life?" haha. Felt a little ashamed but still forced a smiled.
I think, the bottom line is that I am not good at even 1 thing. Nothing I can speak of proudlt to say, "that's my forte!! You can't win me in that!!" I paused and gazed around again and there I see kendou sitting next to me, staring at me and asked...
"why do you looked so stressed?"
After all, I still do care what did I accomplished in life, isn't it? ^^ If not, why did I face says so.?
Well... What else can I still say? People would say I lack confidence. You know, sometimes it's not that I want to belittle myself or underestimate what my potentials are but really there's nothing that is really commendable. Used to feel sad, like I said. But it gets tiring. Now, I don't care about it anyway, I guess I just got to accept what God wants me to be. Then again, am I giving my best , is another debatable issue. haha. How complicated!!
Coming to think of it... I think I am still a little mean to post something like this about myself on a blog. Am I not right? haha. Maybe I should give a little more thought to it. Then, I'll update again to tell you what I am good at. Till then, say whatever you want or forever hold your peace. ^^
what we could have been, 10:56 下午.
